What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
