you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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