I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
