i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
