I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
