Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
