i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
