Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
