He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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