he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
