i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
