That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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