thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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