Did you just see the Batmobile???
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
