Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
