my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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