Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i already hear my dad disowning me
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
