Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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