Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
