The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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