Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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