i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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