i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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