i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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