I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
