i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
