I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
