You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
