So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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