Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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