And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
