Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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