I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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