i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
