the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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