Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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