im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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