I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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