Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
