i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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