just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
