a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
