i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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