Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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