he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
