You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
