Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
