I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
