I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
