he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
